“But there might be some other (more perfect) way..” -Mind
Today is one of those days when the sun spreads its sparkling rays with no usual intensity but soft warmness in the environment. You are sitting, reading your recent favorite novel of Holly Bourne everyone has been talking about, on one of the benches at the bus stop. You have company of a stranger besides you whose sneakers are absolutely stunning. The beauty of his shoes make you decide nothing but appreciating his footwear. You are now just about to compliment him but here comes a thought in your mind “Should I be giving him such compliment?” What if he thinks of me as a clingy human destroying his peace?” “Is it even that important?” “Maybe I should keep the appreciation to myself instead of disturbing him?” . And finally, you take back your decision, to stop the unnecessary questioning and criticism about it going on inside your mind.
The situation described above is nothing but a classic example of second guessing oneself even in tiniest life situations because you lack the trust in your own decisions and judgements. Second guessing refers to questioning, doubting or criticizing a person’s decision or choice after it has been made. It also includes re-solving a past problem or anticipating future multiple outcomes except the one you desire to occur. But how will it be if the person being questioned by you, is YOU? Second guessing oneself is one of the major ways of disrupting a person’s peace of mind because the consequences of it make you think a thousand times before taking any decision and still leaving you unsure about your choice in the end. It can lead to excessive dependency on other people to take major decisions of your life or choosing a wrong way because of impulses.
“But where does it stem from, why do people do it?” That’s an essential question to ask. The people involved in such process are usually the ones who lack self-belief, feel a sense of inadequacy in their life and are insecure about themselves because of their past experiences. It can also come across in an individual as an inherited habit or learnt trait from the parents during his upbringing. Some people become extremely cautious about their decisions because they have an increased sense of guilt for their previous wrong decisions. Second guessing oneself can become a source of emergence of a number of psychological disturbances in a person’s life such as low self-esteem, anxiety, obsessive thinking and depression. In a study done in 2003, it was found that self-doubters are more prone to developing depression because they often feel life is out of their control. In addition to that, second guessing yourself spreads its roots not just in your big life decisions such as your choice of a spouse or the best job but trivial matters too such as deciding what to order while you are in a cafe. All in all, the habit keeps a person in a restless uneasy state all day.
Although, there are numerous cons for engaging in second guessing oneself but so there are ways to start feeling more confident about your life decisions whether they are big or small. The most worked technique to take a decision without thinking about it again and again is to imagine the worst possible outcome that your decision can bring about. Doing this will make you realize that even the worst case scenario is not a dead end but can be dealt with, using your own capabilities and thus your fear will take a back seat. Another technique to trust your own judgement is to take decisions as a curious and open being. This means that you consider life as a journey to try and learn with time and let go of negative experiences taking the lessons from them. You can also change the what ifs that arise in your mind as positive. For instance if you are worried about opting a certain field but studying it has been your dream ever since, you can tell yourself “What if this is the right choice for me?” “What if I end up building my career in this field?” These positive what ifs will make you happy about your choice and you will feel contented after taking that choice. Working on your self-esteem, starting from taking small decisions without guidance of other people and appreciating yourself when the decision serves you in the right way are also some tips to put an end to your second guessing yourself. At last, there is no “perfect” way of doing something. So take a deep breath, trust your gut and take that decision!
As Karim Seddiki once said:
“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”